| ..til i understand or go blind. |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|01:20 am] |
its funny what you do, and forgive..for someone you love.
but...the forgetting part..that's a bitch.
All for the sake of healing,
She went back on everything
She stood for
Fell apart to
Acts that she abhors
A night of regrets
Finish a lie with "I love you"
What a heartless thing to do
In the hands of another
Who have you become?
Stranger
I taste the poison on your lips
Eating through me it kills
Slowly
Breaking
Down months of strength
And memories
We built together
So high, so strong
You single-handedly distroyed everything we ever were
Everything we were to become
A false commitment
I so strongly believed
Pretending you were someone you
Never were meant to be
You've gone too far
There is no going back...
Declare your independence
I should've listened
I was warned of the pain you'd
Cause
I knew what you were capable of
Blame me
Blame me for trying
Who have you become?
Stranger
I taste the poison on your lips
Eating through me it kills
Slowly
Breaking down months of strength
And memories we built together
So high, so strong
You single-handedly destroyed everything we were
Everything we were to become |
|
|
| never leave a dish rag in the sink if you're going to turn the garbage disposal on. |
[Dec. 31st, 2003|11:12 am] |
........been a while!..i think...when was the last time i used this? well why don't i just check? i will. later. maybe
its winter break now...not very wintery tho.
what have i done?
went to tallahassee..
saw marilee..mrs.dedra..olivia.
it was very nice.
had a huge thanksgiving like christmas dinner.
and went shopping real late at walmart.
that's when the rednecks come out.
its crazy...
we came home...i hung out with tasnia...
watched movies.
tom's back!
we saw lord of the rings with his parents....
legolas...*swoon*
how beautiful. *sigh*
i saw pirates of the caribbean(SP) again.
what a wonderful movie.
johnny depp is just wonderful.
my favorite actor maybe?
just maybe.
andy's having a little shindig at his place tonight for a great new years bash.
woooooohooo!
i'll go.
but only for a little while.
my parents are having something too.
blinkie's in romania..
i miss!
i haven't seen delia at all!
we must do something juntos.
..i like brighteyes..i think...a lot?
i dunno.
we'll see.
when am i going to get my fucking license?
liscence?
no....lisence?
no..it's definately license...
yes.
no one's on AIM.
i'm bored...
oh no! wait! halie davis is on!
the saves the day cd is beautiful.
who else is beautiful? tom's beautiful.
he's so beautiful..
almost too beautiful..
almost unbearable..
i don't deserve that kind of beauty.
happy new year. |
|
|
| hilary duff is just so beautiful. |
[Nov. 26th, 2003|03:04 pm] |
neeehhh..i lied. she isn't. she's on tv tho.
she likes small venues...more intimate with the fans.
why am i watching this?
searching for clicker..
hah..i defeated her.
it is now thanksgiving break.
and i have so much homework.
what the hell do these teacher's think?
i'm so tired.
i'm always so tired.
its been so long since i haven't been tired.
i hate it.
and sleeping more doesn't help.
i guess i'm just meant to be tired.
and u know..i feel so..selfish.
and just..not...good.
i dunno.
one of those stages.
hah..david sent me this email..appolizing for what he does...
or well..doesnt do.
what to do..what to do.
i dunno.
whatever.
i went to a bonfire sleep-over thing at delia's last weekend.
i must say i did enjoy it.
delia was happy, it was nice.
tonight i'm going to tasnia's.
yep.
i duno why i feel like this.
like i'm numb.
lets break out into the new linkin park song.
no.
lets not.
and i've been so indifferent to ppl i love lately.
and i don't understand why.
maybe not to everyone.
just to one person.
but..it feels like everyone.
my head hurts too.
tom's got his braces off today.
i bet he looks beautiful.
he's so beautiful.
blinkie's going to san fransisco.
i hope you has a greaatt time.
that lucky bitch...gets to see the love of her life once again.
and she's get front row again.
i can see the determination in her. |
|
|
| holloween's the DEVILS day |
[Oct. 11th, 2003|03:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
weeee
today is homecoming.
woohoo.
I'M FLYIN SOLO.
tom has a tournament in mississippi.
its fine tho..cause i'll get to see some friends.
YESTERDAY was so..relaxing!
i went to blinkie's and we just laid around..and then we did out walk.
we went to the playground...then to this big field..and then to a creek which was dirty but really nice.
THEN we went to the hospital.
man...our little jobs are so ghetto.
oh well.
aww =( johnny cash was so great.
they're talking about him via television.
makes me sad.
i can't wait until holloween. i just love it.
its me and tasnia's 4 year anniversary.
maybe i'll be a dead prom queen?
but blinkie's idea of a pregnant nun..unbeatable.
he shattered to pieces on the ground
and she bled to death putting him back together.
kinda like humpty dumpty.
but not. |
|
|
| haha..wide eyed...two words..not one! |
[Sep. 27th, 2003|11:49 pm] |
my breath is aweful right now.
oh well.
no one too close to smell it.
blinkie came over today an dmade my day.
haha..
that sounds a bit weird.
but like it was great fun.
i jumped a fence..i feel sooo..acomplished(SP).
almost like mowing a lawn.
i saw an AWESOME french flick.
blinkie brought it over. "he loves me he loves me not"
it was crazy.
snl-best of chris kattan..HILARIOUS.
i want a friend like mango...maybe.
maybe not acutally.
i don't understand why i'm such a paranoid person.
i mean WHY? why do i let small things bother me so?
but u know..sometimes i'm right.
i care about tom so much.
i think i say that in every entry.
its habit.can't help it. |
|
|
| chatting and pointless tv |
[Jul. 30th, 2003|12:54 am] |
wow..u'd be proud of me.
i talked to her today. and yeah.
she was nice.
erm.....why do i feel weird about her?
i dunno.
whatever.
i'm talking to dominique!! he's great.
i can't sleep..and i'm so bored.
and all i can do it stare blankly at the walls.
and i try to sleep..
only i keep thinking..
and it makes the sleep go away..
only i can't stop thinking...
its a lose lose situation.
and i think about not so happy events...
and i end up miserable...
misery..such a..definite word..maybe it's a little much for what i feel.
nah..it's just right.
or maybe not.
maybe i don't even know what misery is.
i dont want to know.
u know what i just remembered?
i taught myself how in line skate.
i remember being real proud of myself.
i didn't even have my own skates..
i used my neighbors and i practiced all day...non stop..and i got it.
yeah.
night. |
|
|
| i need a shower.. |
[Jul. 26th, 2003|02:23 pm] |
this summer..i've been pretty lazy about the whole taking a shower thing. i mean..i do take showers...just i don't like washing my hair. i do it like every 3 days and..i dunno..is that bad?
i talked to katie today.
crazy.
i haven't talked to her in the longest time.
i dunno..at the beginning of 9th grade it seemed to me that maybe we'd get close u know?
become good friends.
but then she just left.
i dunno...
so talking to her was interesting.
she's leaving for college.
she's going to montevallo or some school like that. i hope she enjoys herself.
tasnia's out of town..BUT SHE'S COMING BACK SOONER THAN I THOUGHT. blinkie talked to her via AIM and tasnia informed her that she would be back today.
very good news i must say.
and blinkie's coming over! fun stuff! i hope she doesn't get bored over here....that would not be pleasant.
i'm also going over to her house monday.
tom's leaving for the beach sunday.
i was invited..but of course..can i go? nope.
not a chance.
i'm too young.
blah.
annoying..................
so he's taking vince with him. uh oh!! the creamery is going to the beach with the hess's!!
it would have been interesting...ya know?
whatever.
he(tom) has a game today, he's playing as i type..his traveling soccer team verses the venezuela(sp) national team.
i hope tom lives.
i bet he'll do awesome..a great soccer player i've heard most say.
i'm filty..i'm going to take a shower.
bye. |
|
|
| yes...i'm not dead yet. |
[Jul. 17th, 2003|06:23 pm] |
well this week has included much reading! i finished euro history reading..praise the lord.
tomorrow i will be done with emma..which is pleasing.
it's interesting...i'm still alive and tom's been out of town since last thursday.
wow..this dream song really sucks.
i got the alkaline trio cd, good mourning and i am very impressed. blinkie was like "duh" when i mentioned that to her.
oh yeah! rubin studdard(sp?) is on tv...that's what i'm talking about.
aww! codi's online!! i haven't talked to her inforever!!!
okay.
i went to the orthadontist today, yes i know, the place to hang out. i saw webb there! his hairs a lime green now. he was very pleasant. he gave me his cell number..uhm...should i call?
AHHh!!
why did the world create school? i dont' see the point. i mean....the government and all the big people make this world really complicated...i wish is was simple. sometimes i like simpliness. but then again..i am a complicated person and i'd probably die of burden if life was boring...yes.
I'M SO PROUD OF BLINKIE!! she's part of this online magazine and she's so awesome at it! she read a review of hers and i was very impressed. she's real good at what she loves. i told my mom and she was like.."all those concerts are paying off."
i'm very happy for her.
my teeth hurt! not fun.
OH YEAH! I'M GOING TO MOW THE LAWN TODAY! that's what i'm talking about.
"i won da money! the money is mine!"
right.
stacie orrico is on the tv. yay!!!!!!!!!!
i am going to go now. |
|
|
| i will not stick my family bird in the car to check for carbon monoxide!! |
[May. 19th, 2003|01:00 pm] |
blinkie and her sick twisted pleasures..
haha..kidding..
today coming back from lunch this kid said my hair was sexy and it turns him on and some other kid said something of that sort
another reason to keep my hair long? uhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah!
haha.
i'm quite bored.
have nothing to do at all.
there's about 25 minutes left in class.
i didn't eat lunch today.
so i can go home and eat.
yummy in my tummy.
andy said he'd make a mixed cd for meghan, emma, and i.
bless his soul.
only 4 more days of school.
my math final is next period.
all of a sudden i feel sick to my stomach.
last day of geometry....what if i fail the final/ what if i can't remember the formulas?
oh god..
this isn't good.
i'm going to go study. |
|
|
| so sick so sick of being tired |
[May. 16th, 2003|12:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
i'm about to die i'm so tired.....ahh..thank the Lord that it's friday. i'm just going to go home and sleep.
i have no classes with a lot of my friends...none with delia...blinkie...tom...david...ugh...this sucks so bad. BUT!! the sunshine in this dark day..i have a class with TASNIA!!! that makes me so happy. i was bummed out about not having classes with anyone and then tasnia came along and we have biology together!!! muwhahahahaha! yay.
i feel stinky today. i don't know why...i just do..i feel just...not smelling nicely. that sucks. i hate it when i feel stinky. anyway.
my geometry final in on monday...i'm dreading that day. but it must come.
i saw sarah and josh's prom picture...it was really cute. awwwww....
i think i'm still hungry. yet we had lunch. but i don't want to eat...but i should. want is winning right now.
school ends in 4 school days...yes!
i can't wait...but i will.
on thursday i going downtown with blinkie and folks!! i'm excited. i enjoy spending time with her.
i want a massage...real bad.............................................that would be nice. my mommy gave me one yesterday...it made me sleepy. i liked that.
yesterday was the lunar eclipse. today it will happen again also. it was kinda cool. i watched it a bit with my daddy but i fell asleep. tom watched it too...that means we were looking at the moon at the same time! yay! i'm so strange.
i like spending tie with tom..he makes me feel so...lovely. i feel so peaceful and just happy. so comfortable...he got dentencion in english today...that tom! goodness! haha....oh well..it's only for 15 minutes. that's not bad. he's be out by like...325 and i can still see him then!
i'm probably not going to do nething this weekend...meaning going out anywhere.
david said he'd give me rides to the icecream stores over the summer. i'm excited. |
|
|
| destroy the dandelion! |
[May. 12th, 2003|12:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
blinkie said something quite intriguing today. she said that i sound different on my livejournal.
hmmm..........
that's interesting.
i guess cause these are my thoughts and...when i talk i sound dumb? or...maybe i sound dumb on this.
yesterday william came over to work out our food project for history. we have to make some dish from Romania. well we made something..and it tastes good..only i don't know whether or not thats how it supposed to taste and look. it was cool tho. we called victor cause victor told me to call him and i thought "why not call when williams here"
it was cool.
he seemed sad.
sometimes i'm scared to assume things..especially things that i hope aren't true.
its like...i feel bad about it but i can't avoid it.
hard to explain.
i'd rather not.
just to make things simple.
i saw xmen2 again last friday.
me, tasnia, tom, david.
it was great.
jamie kristi and phillip were there also
jamie didn't like it much.
i loved it.
i saw xmen yesterday.
i'm trying to figure out davids password.
hmm..i dunno!
blinkie's naming random bands right now...asking david what bands he fancies.
david just told blinkie to shut up.
hah.
i'm going to write tasnia a note.
a year and a month today! |
|
|
| sniffles and watery eyes |
[May. 10th, 2003|03:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | How it is to Burn-Finch | ] |
i hope i'm not getting sick but my nose is sniffy and my eyes are getting kinda watery..NOO!! I CAN'T GET SICK!! NOT NOW!! that would be horrible.
wow..don't i have the best luck.
yesterday i went to the movies and say xmen again. tom went so did tasnia and david. no they do not go out. nope..tasnia is my best friend and david is tom's.
kristi, jamie,and phillip were there. jamie wasn't in the brightest mood.
they have this new law..you can't loiter in the...made for loitering area?!?! i guess it's for our safety..what has this hick town come to?
i think i'm gonna work out today....this summer..i know i'm gonna work out a lot..get into shape! oh yes.
ugh..yesterday tom hugged me and touched my fat and i was all grossed out cause i hate it and tom said that it wasn't fat..then what is it?? :( whatever it is i don't like it. my mom says that if i don't have that i'll have bones but...i dunno..........
schools gonna be out in less than 2 weeks! that's crazy!
i hope i'm not gettin sick
i coughed a while ago..
am i feeling hot???
i'm tired also...uhhh..not fun.
oh well.
we're reading Farenheit 451 in english. i really like it actually. i think it's my favorite book of this year but..i'm not done w/ it yet.
imma go now. |
|
|
| you can't pimp me, i'm gonna pimp myself |
[May. 8th, 2003|12:41 pm] |
i finished my anthology and i have nothing to do. my head phones don't work so i can't listen to anything.
i'm really slow today...like..i dunno...everything in my mind is processig slowly and i walk slowly...i feel like i'm walking through water. its like those horrible dreams where you can't get to where you want to fast enough.. or you can't run away.
its gotten really hot and i'm wearing a long sleeved shirt...my fault of course. i thought i weather would be rainy all day. i kinda wished it would be. rain is good. i like rain.
i dunno why tom wanted to make me angry. he said that he'd never seen tha tside of me and he was just kidding around. i warned him..i TOLD him all it would do is hurt my feelings. that i bottle all my emotion inside of me andhe's not going to see it ebcause i love him. but no....he had to go and try to piss me off. well it worked and now he's acting like he's miserable and that doesn't help me. i can't stand it if he ever looks sad and...it just drives me crazy. i can't be mad at him because i'm scared of life without him. he's such an amazing person and i need him. ahhhhhh......at the beginning i told myself i'd never get attached. but...i dunno..he acted like he was attached to me..and he's so amazing. i mean..don't get me wrong..things are great with us. i told him i wanted to agree to disagree but he wanted to hear what i had to say. i dunno.
he's so weird.
haha...he's like a drug and i'm completely addicted.
today denise came up to me and asked me about me and trevor. she thought we were still dating. she didn't believe me when i told her we drifted apart and she said we should be together. FUNNY CAUSE SHE TRIED TO BREAK US UP!
sometimes i just don't know what to say.
i want a job. i want to feel productive. i love mowing the lawn..i love just looking and what i've done afterwards. it looks all smooth and nice and just...yeah! i feel like i'm worthy...hahaha...hmm..yeh. |
|
|
| no lo comas |
[Apr. 23rd, 2003|01:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  high | ] |
ack..i just finished my spanish homework. the positive thing is that i won't have homework tonight!!!!
wait...i have a history test tomorrow.....DANG IT!
it's over WWII. I hope i do well. I just have to study a WHOLE BUNCH. oh well..............................
i got my braces tightened last monday....owwie!
it's crazy how much my teeth have straightened. i'm quite happy about that.
beauty is pain.
so i was talking to tom yesterday and i asked him if he ever took my picking on him seriously...he has!!
ahh!! do i feel like an evil bitch or what?
ack...i told him profusely that anything negative i've ever said to him isn't true.
i hope he believes me.
like sometimes i make jokes on intellectual levels...and i can't even spell it...erm...yeah...he was like "well i am stupider than you" AHHH!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!
HOW FAR AWAY FROM THE TRUTH IS THAT???
i feel aweful about that.
i dunno...i just don't want to lose him...that's a scary thought.
things are going well for us tho. things are chugging along peachily.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....i have about 20 minutes until the bell rings....
ahh..my breath is kicking once again.
AHHH...there's the most horendous stench in the halls of the highschool! it's horrible. i can't take it. i'm not that strong. i'm a freaking pussy...
i don't even know what i'm talking about now...
nonsense babble.
oh well.
i'm extremely bored. i have no idea what to do.
blinkie's going to a taking back sunday show today!!! OH I HOPE SHE HAS FUN!! she better have fun. i'm glad she'll be happy tonight..hopefully. she deserves happiness. i hope everything goes well.
this weekend i think i'm going to rent movies and watch them until the crack of dawn!! yes!
uh...yeah...
i'm going to make david a bracelet cause...i am. he said he wants it to look cool.
maybe i'll invite a few ppl over to watch movies with me. wouldn't that be a wonderful time?
i want a breath mint.
i shall depart now.
toodles. |
|
|
| watch your tongue boy |
[Apr. 10th, 2003|12:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a have a song stuck in my head... | ] |
i'm in creative writing once again. it seems that the only time i ever update my journal. OHHH!! DELIA'S PLAYING A FUN GAME!! its hard...hmm...........
on saturday i'm going out to eat with tom and then we're gonna go to the movies. how romantic. tom wants to go to hastings to get something or..i dunno....
i like him so much.
wow...that seems very redundant.
we don't have rides home today, tasnia and i. not good...we must find one pronto.
she's gonna come home w/ me today.
tomorrow's the renaissance festival. i'm actually quite excited. everyone's going to dress cute and its gonna be just one big party.
i'm going to wear a wrap around redish skirt with a tan shirt. i dunno how i'm gonna look tho.
ahh..i'm dreading next period..i have a math test. i studied a lot but i dunno...i can't help being so worried. |
|
|
| wooooooo-hoooooooooooo! |
[Apr. 6th, 2003|03:31 pm] |
You will live in Shack.
You will drive a pink lexis.
You will marry Tom and have 5 kids.
You will be a pshycologist in Seattle. |
|
|
| natures child |
[Apr. 3rd, 2003|12:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
in creative writing we doing picture poems. i actually really enjoy it. i've seen many lovely pictures.
there's this one i really like. of a young girl in a field of flowers...it was gorgeous.
delia's going to read my poem to see how it sounds..she's playing a computer game at the moment.
my tummy hurts.
not fun.
i wish it would stop.
david sent me to www.crapface.com don't go there...all i saw was "PORN" in big letters everywhere.
my virgin eyes...it was horrifying.
its going to be a year in less than 2 weeks.
i'm so excited.
i can't believe..an entire year.
that is cool.
i don't know what we're goign to do..just hang out...JUST NOT THE MOVIES.
what is there to go and voyage to in auburn?
i dunno..
i want to go play in a park.
maybe we'll do that on the 12th. |
|
|
| long time |
[Mar. 31st, 2003|01:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the clicking of mouses | ] |
eh...i forget i have this. blinkie has her own one so this is never used. i'm in creative writing right now...i'm extremely bored. blinkie told me to go write tom another note..i defy her.
spring break's over and that sucks. i liked the fact of never having a set time to go to bed or wake up or do nething. i didn't go anywhere. i have no life of that sort.
i hung out with delia, blinkie, and tasnia mostly.
delia and i went working out. i'm getting into it. sooner or later i'll have the body of a sex god. muwahahahaha.
sarcasm.
i went over to blinkie's where we watched Ferris Bueler's Day Off and we talked to folks on the phone.
tom went to the freaking beach.
after blinkie's we mosied to andy's house where i made out like crazy with jamie. haha..noo..........although I will tell Kristi that i did.
blinkie spent a night that night.
my mom's devil like voice told us to go to bed.
i went over to tasnia's and we just sat around dreaming up the way we wish it were.
i got cute panties.
score. |
|
|
| "and I don't wanna' die this way, but you're so beautiful..." |
[Mar. 15th, 2003|06:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sounds of blinkie's voice | ] |
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img [...] honestly"!">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <img src="http://images.quizilla.com/N/noseovertail182/1047706901_opuntitled.bmp" border="0" alt="You are "Honestly"!"><br>You are "Honestly"! You finally found the one that is right for you,<br>but you think that its to good to be true. <br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/noseovertail182/quizzes/Which%20Cursive%20Letters%20song%20are%20you%3F%20/"> <font size="-1">Which Cursive Letters song are you? </font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font> |
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saiyachick's journal